I once considered myself invincible. Somewhere inside, I really thought I was superwoman; or, at least behaved as if I thought I was; adding responsibilities and tasks to my already heaping plate. Sure I'd get stressed, but I treated that as if it were some kind of status symbol.
One time, several years, ago, when I was feeling considerably unequal to the mound I'd allowed. I sought a trainer I'd been taking some courses on internal body balancing from. I hoped, with her assistance, I could get the correct perspective for my life's direction. At one point at the beginning, she came toward me with a pillow and said, "this pillow represents your child, do you feel like you should hold it?" Naturally, I was determined to do so. "Sure!" I said, as I arrogantly jutted my arm out there. "This one represents your spouse, do you feel you should hold it also? And, your parents? Your neighbors?" One by one, I reached for and clutched another pillow, using my other arm as well. I remember thinking, "You bet, I can take care of them, too. I'll do it if it kills me. After all, I'm going to change the world!" Obviously, soon thereafter, the pillows were out of my control and toppled to the floor, with me tumbling, too. For an instant I felt as if I'd failed. The instructor walked me through some steps to put my body back in balance, then, once again, she picked up a couple of pllows and asked me, "These represent your neighbors, family, the world...would you like to hold some pillows?" Without a doubt, for the first time I had a realization, I am responsible for changing ME, not everyone else. Also, I'm not obligated to fill every duty or task, deligation is a good thing. I looked directly at her and, confidently, said, "No. I'm not going to take those pillows." Her grin is still etched in my mind, as my trainer said, "Good! You poor thing, carrying all those people on your shoulders for so long. No wonder you've been overwhelmed."
Adrenal Fatigue. The message it carries told me I didn't hold closely to my lesson in the balance that day.
February of 2011, I had to make a decision, hold on to life or let go. For the first time ever, I realized, Sonja was NOT superwoman, nor in any way, invincible. I literally could feel that the edge between life and death was before me, nearly close enough to reach out and touch with my fingertips. Wrestling quite a bit between the realization of the selfishness to leave life on earth, and the justification and relief I thought I deserved, a priesthood blessing bloosted my broken and contrite spirit to recognize the author of both those feelings. I chose to pursue life and pour myself into two things: The study of forgiveness, and, nutrition.
One time, several years, ago, when I was feeling considerably unequal to the mound I'd allowed. I sought a trainer I'd been taking some courses on internal body balancing from. I hoped, with her assistance, I could get the correct perspective for my life's direction. At one point at the beginning, she came toward me with a pillow and said, "this pillow represents your child, do you feel like you should hold it?" Naturally, I was determined to do so. "Sure!" I said, as I arrogantly jutted my arm out there. "This one represents your spouse, do you feel you should hold it also? And, your parents? Your neighbors?" One by one, I reached for and clutched another pillow, using my other arm as well. I remember thinking, "You bet, I can take care of them, too. I'll do it if it kills me. After all, I'm going to change the world!" Obviously, soon thereafter, the pillows were out of my control and toppled to the floor, with me tumbling, too. For an instant I felt as if I'd failed. The instructor walked me through some steps to put my body back in balance, then, once again, she picked up a couple of pllows and asked me, "These represent your neighbors, family, the world...would you like to hold some pillows?" Without a doubt, for the first time I had a realization, I am responsible for changing ME, not everyone else. Also, I'm not obligated to fill every duty or task, deligation is a good thing. I looked directly at her and, confidently, said, "No. I'm not going to take those pillows." Her grin is still etched in my mind, as my trainer said, "Good! You poor thing, carrying all those people on your shoulders for so long. No wonder you've been overwhelmed."
Adrenal Fatigue. The message it carries told me I didn't hold closely to my lesson in the balance that day.
February of 2011, I had to make a decision, hold on to life or let go. For the first time ever, I realized, Sonja was NOT superwoman, nor in any way, invincible. I literally could feel that the edge between life and death was before me, nearly close enough to reach out and touch with my fingertips. Wrestling quite a bit between the realization of the selfishness to leave life on earth, and the justification and relief I thought I deserved, a priesthood blessing bloosted my broken and contrite spirit to recognize the author of both those feelings. I chose to pursue life and pour myself into two things: The study of forgiveness, and, nutrition.
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